


In Lazy Anguish

by Sherlyjohn



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: And one small Suga POV, Angst, Anxiety, Bullying, Emotional Hurt, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay, Hinata Shouyou Being an Idiot, Hinata and Kageyama POV, Hinata loves Kageyama, Hinata only speaks in exclamation points!, Hurt Kageyama, Hurt/Comfort, I love this ship, Kageyama Tobio is Bad at Feelings, Kageyamas parents are not good, M/M, Oblivious Hinata Shouyou, POV Alternating, Panic Attack, Sad Kageyama Tobio, Social Anxiety, negative self-talk, selective mutism, selectively mute kageyama, set in the middle of season 2, so many exclamation points!, so many feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-13 09:07:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28775805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sherlyjohn/pseuds/Sherlyjohn
Summary: "He finally looks up into that bright, beautiful face, and thinks he may go blind."AKA: Kageyama doesn't know how to talk so Hinata does the talking for him.The title is from the incomparable Mina Loy, in her poem "Hot Cross Bum"
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 2
Kudos: 102





	In Lazy Anguish

**Author's Note:**

> "At last  
> in a lucent grocery  
> the murmur of the mass  
> is become lingua audibly  
> in sodden-mouthed excuses"
> 
> -Mina Loy "Hot Cross Bum"

This is the first time Hinata had beaten Kageyama in a race in two months. With arms spread wide, he lets out a whoop that echoes around the quiet courtyard. Kageyama’s heaving breaths sounds louder in the stillness of the morning and Kageyama places his hands on his knees, his school bag slipping down his back, breathing heavily.

“Did you see that?! I beat you _again_ , Kage-yama!!” The ginger belts.

“Dumbass.” Kageyama growls, his usual scowl more pronounced as he looks over at the excited spiker.

“Hey! I’m not a dumbass, dumbass!” Hinata replies, eyes bright with something Kageyama can’t quite place, something that blossoms an acute ache in his chest that had nothing to do with the fatigue from the race.

“You’re off your game!” Hinata shouts, leaping into the air with his arms ludicrously spread. Kageyama rolls his eyes and proceeds past his friend, bumping his shoulder on the way to the club room. They change in relative silence. Being the first to arrive for morning practice, as usual, Kageyama finds today’s lack of chatter a relief. He can’t shake the fatigue from his muscles this morning and hopes some setting practice would shake out the growing chill spreading down his chest.

The peacefulness of the moment cracks when Hinata pokes between Kageyama’s shoulder blades and exclaims, “Set for me! Let’s get some in before everyone else arrives, hurry!”

Kageyama clenches and unclenches his fists, trying to rid his fingers of the odd numbness. He merely nods, grabbing a chunk-full of bright orange hair and pushing the shorter boy at arms length,Hinata yelling, “Ow ow!! Let go, bakeyama!!”

He relinquishes his grip with a satisfied smirk and heads into the gym, his ever-present shadow in tow.

Hinata throws the ball to him, then zooms into position to spike his toss. They hit every one with the accuracy that the two had become familiar with.

Hinata punctures the air with a whoop of joy or a cry of, “another!” and Kageyama finds that the sounds melt some of the chill behind his ribcage. He doesn’t mind the ambient noises, because they don’t require anything of him. He only needs to set to Hinata and the spiker talks enough for the two of them.

“Another!” Hinata calls, and Kageyama throws the set to him, too high and Hinata misses it by the tips of his fingers. The ball lands with a thud and ice floods the setters fingers as he stared down at them. _Stupid, stupid._ He tells himself, growling.

“Remember, you gotta set for the _shorty,_ King.” Comes a bored drawl from the door, followed by Hinata’s indigent squawk.

The others had arrived. Their shoes squeak as multiple pairs of feet cross the court to grab more balls, their chatter growing louder. Kageyama ignores them, his gaze too focused on his hands, which tremble slightly. _They were doing so well, what happened?_

A sharp smack lands on his back and he flinches away from it, whipping around to face Hinata, who takes one look at his face and gulps. “Kage! That’s a really scary face! It’s fine, I should have jumped a second sooner! We’ll get the next one!”

Kageyama doesn’t respond. Hinata is right of course, they’d get the next one. But something feels wrong inside of him. Something wriggling and squirming in his stomach that makes it hard to focus on replying.

Hinata keeps staring at him until Kageyama gets annoyed and pushes Hinata’s chest, to snap him out of staring.

“Hey! Don’t push me, I’m trying to be nice!!” Hinata all but shrieks and lunges at Kageyama, but is held back by a grip to the back of his shirt from Daichi.

“Settle down, you two. We’re about to start our stretches.” The captain says, trying to hide his amusement behind exasperation. Kageyama merely shrugs and follows Daichi, leaving Hinata watching him with a confused tilt of his head.

He runs to catch up to them and puts a hand on Kageyama’s shoulder.

 _He is always touching me!_ Kageyama thinks, as he shakes the ginger’s hand off of him, huffing.

“What’s with you?” Hinata questions. Never one to beat around the bush.

Kageyama doesn’t respond, but gets in the circle next to Sugawara and Ennoshita, who Hinata unceremoniously shoves aside to stand beside the setter.

Sugawara chuckles, “Hinata. Apologise to Ennoshita.”

“Oh! Sorry!” Hinata replies, bowing to Ennoshita, who merely laughs and makes room for him.

“He can’t stand to be away from his boyfriend for two seconds.” Tsukishima locks eyes with Kageyama and Hinata across the room. Hinata goes scarlet at the remark and Kageyama’s anger boils. He doesn’t _have_ a boyfriend, no matter how much he wants Hinata to ask him out, Hinata is clearly interested in Yachi.

“No comeback, King?” Tsukishima asks, his malicious grin spreading.

Sugawara comes to the rescue, “Tsukishima, stop. Be nice to your teammates.”

Tsukishima looks like he wants to retort but Daichi clears his throat, “Stretches! One, two, three, four!”

Kageyama’s mind falls into a fuzzy haze as they stretch. _Did everyone think him and Hinata are dating? But who in their right mind would go out with someone like himself? He was horrible to be around, and apparently he had a ‘scary face.’_

During his musings, he misses the furtive glances Hinata keeps shooting him.

______

Kageyama would sometimes get this way. Hinata noticed it first a day before their practice match against Seijoh all those months ago. He is always a guy of few words, but sometimes he would fall completely silent, only serving glares and mean scowls. It freaks Hinata out to think what is going on in that dumb head of his, to make him go completely silent. He prefers a Kageyama with icy fire in those dark blue eyes and yelling his lungs off about something or another. He likes being loud _with_ Kageyama. It pumps them both up and makes the team laugh.

He has been working on trying to get Kageyama to smile, and to get him to relax around him, to put his guard down. And Hinata is managing it. After their loss to Seijoh and the training camp, Hinata was really starting to crack open the mystery egg that was Kageyama. He would notice the setter sometimes looking at him, smiling softly. He would frown right when he caught Hinata watching him and ask him if he wanted to fight, but Hinata cherishes those rare smiles he got from his friend.

It was much better than whatever this is today, this quiet, withdrawn boy that stands beside him during their stretches.

______

The day positively inches along for Kageyama. After morning practice, he endures his morning classes by sleeping though most of them. He hadn’t slept well last night, getting tangled up in his sheets and awaking mummified.

The house is too quiet without his parents in town. They said they’d be back a week ago, but Kageyama had barley heard from them, besides a stray text about not forgetting to send in the rent check.

His thoughts drift to this morning’s practice and how he’d been underperforming. He missed several easy tosses and their quick attack wasn’t nearly as fast as usual.

The thought of the look on Hinata’s face when he missed those spikes feels like a volleyball to the chest.

At lunch, Hinata eats with him in the their classroom, chatting away endlessly about how they were gonna crush Seijoh and Shiratorizawa with their quick and how he’s been emailing Kenma and how Natsu _hated_ not being able to play with him because of how busy he was with volleyball.

All in all, a normal lunch. Hinata talks, Kageyama listens (and sometimes rolls his eyes.)

Afternoon classes go about as well as the morning ones.

 _I ran out of money for milk._ Kageyama puts a hand on his glum chin and stares at the blackboard, _now my mouth’s all dry._

Every minor inconvenience irks him. It digs pins into his already icy chest and sends his thoughts into a dark tunnel. He _should_ be asking his parents for more money soon, but they didn’t want him working a job, though he probably should start looking for one because then he could pay for more groceries _and_ he could have more money for his milk. But he had no time to be working with all of the practicing they did in the volleyball club. Ukai may let him work at the store though, after hours. It would eat up his time so he wasn’t alone in evenings, staring at the dark ceiling and listening to the nothingness of the house…

“Kageyama? Please answer my question.”

Blinking, Kageyama’s reality comes back around and he feels all eyes in the room land on him. Taking a deep breath, he looks up at his teacher. She’s smiling expectantly at him but he merely shakes his head. There is an icy hand gripping his throat and he shrinks back in his seat, his shoulders haunching.

There was a moment of silence before the teacher replied, “very well, but pay attention next time, alright?”

She expected a response from him. Something. Anything.

With a great effort, Kageyama nods.

The eyes of his classmates are scorching him, exposing him. He avoids their fiery stares by bending over his textbook which he had been using as a pillow.

 _You’re being stupid,_ he repeats in his mind for the rest of class.

______

All of afternoon practice, Kageyama didn’t speak once. In fact, Hinata hadn’t heard him utter a word since he called him a dumbass after their race this morning.

“Ka-ge-yama!” Hinata sings during their water break. The boy is gulping down his water like he was dying of thirst and Hinata thinks he may choke!

The setter shoots him a look, raising his eyebrow.

“What’s going on? Why are you so quiet today?”

Hinata doesn’t miss the way he tenses, his hands tightening around the bottle. He responds with a shrug that looks almost helpless. He doesn’t even have a scary face, he just looks lost and sad. It rips something open in Hinata, that feels like a bright fire in his sternum.

“Did I do something wrong? Are you nervous about playing against Oikawa again? Cause you know we’re gonna crush him! There’s nothing that you and I can’t do!” Hinata yells, his eyes bright with excitement at the prospect of kicking Aoba Johsai’s butts and getting revenge!

Kageyama, to Hinata’s dismay, looks even more sad at his words. His head droops and he lifts a shoulder to indicate another lazy shrug.

Hinata bites his lip, opening his mouth to try another tactic, but Ukai calls them over and Kageyama leaves Hinata and his water bottle behind to join the team.

Hinata would get to the bottom of this, even if he has to annoy Kageyama all practice to do it!

_____

Everyone is looking at him. He knew it. He can feel their eyes on the back of his neck, following his sets, watching his frown grow deeper. The eyes scorch thorough his skin and leave his bones exposed. He shivers, the twitch in his arms causing his set to spiral and land a foot in front of where Tanaka was supposed to be spiking. The ball thuds to the ground and Kageyama sucks in a breath, glaring down at his hands as Daichi calls, “don’t mind!”

But Kageyama _did_ mind.

He feels broken.

_What the hell was wrong with him? Everyone knew he was messed up and everyone knew that he was awkward and not easy to get along with and-_

“Hey, no worries bro!” Tanaka calls, swatting him on the shoulder, that sends electric vibrations through his arm. He wants to respond, to apologise for the missed set, but his mouth won’t work properly.

He is broken.

And they could all see it.

How weak he is.

How stupid.

He doesn’t dare talk now, because whatever he says would come out sounding dumb and Tsukishima would make fun of him and they would all see how useless he really is. The rouse would be over and they would leave him. No one would be there to hit his sets and he would be benched and then what would he do? Leave the team? Would Hinata turn his back on him just like the rest of them were sure to do? He can’t even say sorry for his own mistake because his vocal chords seemed to have vanished.

He glares holes into his own palms, willing them do _do it right_ or what good would he be?

He feels a kind of lazy anguish within his lungs, where he could barely gasp, let alone pull syllables from his throat.

“Kageyama?!”

Hinata’s voice pierces through his ears like tiny ice-knives. It burns his chest to hear his name from that bright voice. It is sunshine that shines too brightly.

“Hey! Snap out of it!”

With an enormous effort, Kageyama wrenches his eyes from his palms and up into the bright, concerned gaze of his spiker.

“You’re shaking.” Hinata says, his voice lowering, so it is just the two of them in that moment. Kageyama blinks down to find he is correct. His hands are shaking and rattling, along with his stilted breathing, his very ribs feel like they are clattering together.

Sugawara and Daichi appear beside them, and Suga’s hand lands on his shoulder, where he was sure his sempai can feel his trembling, his rattling apart.

“Let’s take a break, hm?” Suga asks with his infinite gentleness, but it feels like a slap.

 _Go to the bench,_ his middle-school coach is saying. Is he being asked to sit out?

His breathing becomes more choppy, pulling in soundless gasps.

“I’ll go with him!” Hinata replies, practically dragging Kageyama off the court to a multitude of eyes and mutterings. Kageyama can’t catch what they are saying, but he knows they’re angry with him for ruining practice.

“Let’s keep going!” Nishinoya shouts from his position at the back of the court, and the scrimmage starts up again as though nothing happened.

––––––

Hinata drags Kageyama out of the gym, his face scrunched into a determined mask, but he is not staying calm inside. He needs to know what is going on with Kageyama and why he was looking so sad a minute ago, staring at him palms with a scowl of betrayal and guilt in those blue eyes.

He _never_ wants to see Kageyama look at himself like that again.

He wants to fight whatever is going on inside that stupid head of his and say, “hey! I’m here!” but it doesn’t work like that.

He guesses he’ll have to take the subtle approach, here (as subtle as he was capable of being, which meant pulling Kageyama bodily from the gym.)

Hinata stops in the grass outside of the gym, right beside the baseball field, far enough away from the noises and the shouts of his teammates, that he hopes Kageyama could get some much needed air out here.

“Kageyama, sit down.” Hinata directs, and he sits. Hinata catching him shivering, so he sits beside him, his arm brushing Kageyama’s elbow, which make Kageyama look up at him with those big sad eyes.

(Okay he actually looked really grumpy.)

“That was a bit overwhelming in there, huh?” Hinata breathes, searching Kageyama’s gaze, before the setter breaks eye contact. He wants to see what his eyes are telling him, cause it’s easier to understand Kageyama that way.

Kageyama pauses before he seems to allow himself to nod.

“Are you not feeling like talking?” Hinata asks, his eyebrows pinched, thinking back to his other silent days and how he got though those. Today seems like a pretty bad one.

Kageyama shrugs.

“That’s okay!” Hinata exclaims, “You don’t _have_ to talk if you don’t want to, Yamayama!”

Kageyama lowers his head, his hair providing a perfect curtain to avoid Hinata’s sunlight gaze.

______

Kageyama realises that he would let Hinata drag him anywhere.

And that scares the shit out of him.

In that earnest and annoying way it feels like Hinata is peering into his brain.

“Are you feeling anxious today?”

If Kageyama could speak, he would have chastised Hinata for being so blunt. _People don’t like being asked personal questions like that, boke._

He looks away, out into the baseball field. Students are at bat, or tossing in the outfield, and their dull chatter makes Kageyama puff out a breath of lukewarm air.

Hinata, who is incapable of keeping quiet for two seconds, goes on, “Cause you don’t have to handle it all by yourself!”

Kageyama’s eyes snap to his.

“Cause I’m here! On and off the court!” He exclaims, his eyes boring into him, and making him shiver. Hinata takes Kageyama’s hand, blushing deeply in the sun, his face speckled from the shade cast by a nearby tree.

The sight makes breathing difficult for a moment.

–––––

Practice ends early, without two of their players it makes even 3 by 3s difficult. And Sugawara can tell that their hearts aren't in it after the state they saw Kageyama in.

Sugawara remembered that same pale face, faraway look, and hunched shoulders in Asahi after their failed match against Date Tech. He remembered how quiet and defeated his friend had looked and vowed to work harder to lift everyones spirits, so no one had to feel that much guilt again.

But the way Kageyama looked at his hands, watching them tremble, he knew it was happening again, but this time he didn’t know what to say. He knew Asahi way better, knew what his anxiety needed. But Kageyama was as about as much of a closed book as a kid could be.

Except when he was with Hinata. Which Sugawara is infinitely grateful for.

Hinata had stepped forward and took care of his friend. Suga glows with pride for his first-years, sharing a look with Daichi.

“You think they’re going to go make out?” Tsukishima asks the silent players, and the tension breaks in an uproar from Tanaka _and_ Nishinoya, yelling about respecting people’s boundaries.

_They’re going to make good senpais to the underclassmen._

Yachi is shooting glances to the doors, as if worried the boys are hitting each other again.

But Sugawara knows what the others don’t.

Kageyama had pulled Sugawara aside a week after Yachi arrived and asked for a minute of his time.

“What is it?” Suga asked.

“I… I’m having trouble focusing.” Kageyama sounded like each word cost him dearly.

“What’s bothering you?” He asked kindly.

“It’s… stupid.”

“Tell me anyway?” He offered.

“It’s Yachi. She’s spending _a lot_ of time with Hinata and we have to practice our spikes and-“

“And are you feeling jealous?” Suga offered, hoping he wasn’t overstepping and pushing Kageyama away.

The kid made a questioning sound and tilted his head, looking thoughtful.

“I think so.” He finally replied, and then looked as though his honesty surprised himself.

Sugawara merely grinned and ruffled Kageyama’s hair, “Then go talk to Hinata and tell him how you feel.”

Kageyama huffed and patted his hair down, frowning deeply in the way that meant he was mad that Sugawara was right, which made the latter grin even brighter.

“Fine.” He grumbled, and stalked out of the room.

Sugawara sighs and pulls his head back to the present, helping the others clean up and hoping those two are talking out their feelings.

____

_“Cause I’m here! On and off the court!”_

Hinata’s words replay themselves the entire walk back from school. The pipsqueak takes the same fork in the road as Kageyama and he turns to shoot a questioning glare down at him.

Hinata merely laughs and says he already asked his mom if he could come over to his house for a bit.

Kageyama blanches and balls his hands into fists. _That dolt doesn’t know when to back off!_

He huffs but doesn’t have it in him to say anything on the subject, his tongue is still unresponsive.

They enter Kageyama’s dark house and he flips on the lamp and proceeds to the kitchen to turn on the lights and look for some food, not daring to glance back at Hinata to see if he followed him. Only when the door closes does Kageyama chance a glance into the living room to see Hinata (the _dumbass_ ) already lounging on his couch and squirming to get into a good position.

Kageyama joins him a moment later with a bag of chips and hands it to Hinata after sitting on the edge of the couch.

“Thanks!” Hinata sits up and snatches the bag, “I’m _starving!_ Is your mom gonna be home soon to make dinner?” He asks (bluntly), with those bright eyes.

Kageyama shakes his head, hiding behind his hair again.

“Is your mom _still_ out of town?” Hinata asks, and it is the incredulity in his voice that makes Kageyama get up and go back to the kitchen to start dinner. He can _not_ be in the same room as that little bundle of never-ending energy right now.

But Hinata follows. And Kageyama starts heating up some dumplings he had made the other night, enough for the both of them, and watches Hinata flit around the kitchen from the corner of his eye.

When the microwave beeps, he sits the plate in front of Hinata at the island counter, pulls up a chair opposite him and begins to eat from his own plate.

Hinata exclaims in delight at the taste and says (with a mouth-full of dumpling,) “this is delicious! Did you _make_ these?”

Kageyama feel his face grow scarlet, but he nods.

“Wow!”

The setter watches Hinata’s face, the way it glows with happiness, making him all flushed and adorable.

“Stop staring at me like that, Bakeyama! Your face looks really mad!”

 _Right._ Kageyama thinks, _cause I always look mad._ It’s something he could not control, but knew that is partially why he never had close friendships, because he unsettled people.

But Hinata seemed stubbornly immune.

Kageyama takes another large bite of his dumpling and Hinata chatters on, eating and talking (gross) and laughing and bright. He’s irritated by it, and the way it makes him feel.

“-and then Yachi said that my jumps may even be getting higher! Can you believe that? Huh? Kageyama!” Hinata waves a hand over his friend’s face, who heard Yachi’s name and remembered how Hinata likes to laugh with her and walk her home and he would soon become disinterested in Kageyama and leave him.

____

Sure, Kageyama spaced out a lot, but today seems worse. His friend appears to barely cling on to conversations before he’s drifting off into that dense head of his. Something must really be bothering him. He gets all tense and has that scary face again when Hinata mentioned Yachi, like he is listening only then, tuning back into reality. And he looks so upset, but why would him talking about Yachi upset him? She was so nice!

“Kageyama! Please talk to me. I know you don’t feel like it but you can trust me! I’m not going to judge you or think any less of you. You’re my friend and I want you to be happy! I care about you and I think you should open up to me. Cause I’ll always be here.”

And apparently, this was not the right thing to say, because Kageyama buries his face in his hands and lets out a quiet sob.  
“Kage…” Hinata trails off, jumps up and runs to the other side of the island to put a hand on the setter’s shaking shoulder.

“I’m sorry, did I say something wrong?”

Kageyama shakes his head, sniffing into his hands. Hinata pats an awkward hand to his shoulder and directs Kageyama to the couch.

They are sitting together on the couch for a while, their bare knees barely skimming one another.

Hinata keeps stroking Kageyama’s back, unsure of what else to do.

Kageyama hiccups a few times as he wipes his eyes and finally raises his head to meet Hinata’s gaze.

“Sorry.” Kageyama mumbles, his voice barely above a whisper.

Hinata, though shocked by the sudden return of his friend’s voice, doesn’t miss a beat and replies, “Hey! You have nothing to be sorry for, Kageyama! I’m glad you let it out. And you’ve seen me cry a lot!”

“Yeah, you get snot everywhere. It’s gross.”

Hinata lets out a laugh, not even bothering to argue, because he is so glad that Kageyama is speaking again.

It is a long moments silence before Kageyama speaks again.

“I guess… I guess I just get… tired of being on my own all the time. But I…. don’t know how to…. do things everyone on the volleyball team does.”

“Whaattt?!” Hinata shrieks, jumping to his feet, “You can do anything the others do!”

Kageyama rolls his eyes and inspects his toes, not meeting Hinata’s eyes.

“That’s not what I mean.” He finally mumbles, “never mind.”

Hinata sits back down, biting back another outburst. He is clearly freaking Kageyama out and needed to tone it down a bit so he didn’t scare him back into silence. “Come on, I’m sorry. Please talk to me. What do you mean you can’t do things the team does?”

Kageyama fiddles with his fingers, still avoiding his gaze, but he finally mumbles, “It’s stupid.”

“Not to me!” Hinata exclaims.

Kageyama’s splotchy eyes meet his and he sighs, “I can’t… be like the others. They’re all so outgoing and I’m bad with people and… bad at talking.”

Hinata tilts his head, not totally surprised to hear this. Kageyama clearly has trouble talking to people, but Hinata always assumes it’s cause he is too focused on Volleyball. He didn’t think Kageyama actually felt like he wasn’t good at talking to people. He is always yelling at Hinata.

But also he has only talked to Hinata today so maybe he feels comfortable with him. The thought makes a red sun blossom in his chest, warming his insides.

“That’s not how I see it! You’re not bad at talking to people! I like it when you talk, Bakeyama! I like to see you get excited for a set, and when we hit that quick, it’s amazing! You talk to Suga and Tanaka and I like seeing you interact with the team, but even if you don’t, it’s okay because I know they all like you! Don’t worry about that!”

Kageyama gives Hinata an incredulous look. “You’re just saying that. Tsukishima hates me.”

“He’s a bully, but he doesn’t hate you. He looked really worried about you today!” Hinata replies.

Kageyama looks surprised at this news, but he merely scoffs and rolls his eyes, “Yeah right.”

_____

Kageyama can’t believe that Tsukishima was worried about him. That is just stupid, dumb, optimistic Hinata seeing things that aren’t there.

“I’m serious! He cares about you, just like the whole team does! Just like… I do.” Hinata admits, with a blinding blush appearing on his cheeks.

“Boke.” Kageyama replies, cause of course he can’t take a compliment and he has no clue what to say to this statement.

Hinata lays a hand on his shoulder and says, “Can you look at me for a second?”

Something in Hinata’s voice makes the cold ice return in full force to Kageyama’s chest. It spreads to his fingertips.

But Hinata is asking him for something, and it reminds Kageyama of the first time Hinata had yelled, “I’m here!” and they had nailed their quick attack. He had been blinded by Hinata’s light then too.

He finally looks up into that bright, beautiful face and thinks he may go blind.

“I… I do care about you! A lot! And I don’t want you thinking that you’re not good enough because that’s not true! Kageyama… I….”

Hinata is stumbling over his words and Kageyama stares at him in bewilderment. What is making the dumbass so nervous? Is he making a scary face, like he always does? Is he pushing Hinata away, like he always does?

“I like you!! Like… _like you!_ ” Hinata all but yells, and Kageyama freezes.

What is he saying? The setters mind falls blank, unable to understand where his spiker is going with this.

“Kageyama! Are you listening? I like you, and I want to date you!” Hinata takes Kageyama’s hands and the warmth from his touch spreads to his fingertips, thawing the ice inside him.

“You… and me…. Hinata?” Kageyama asks dumbly.

“Yeah! Is that, okay? I thought you liked boys?” Hinata sounds uncertain and Kageyama knows he can’t let Hinata sound like that for a minute longer. Uncertain is _his_ territory.

“I do.” He replies, “I thought you liked girls.”

“I like both!” Hinata says, and the brightness is back in his eyes, “So… what do you think?”

Kageyama, who has no clue what he’s doing, leaned in, and brushed his lips against Hinata in what he is sure is the most awkward kiss every to be preformed.

But Hinata squeaks in delight and pulls Kageyama closer in, kissing him again.

It isn’t exactly spectacular, but it’s Hinata. Kageyama has been dreaming of this moment for months.

Once they pull apart, Hinata looks like he’s been caught in the wind.

Kageyama peers into those eyes and Hinata is the first to speak (as always). “That was awesome!”

Kageyama digs deep inside himself to reply a soft, “dumbass,” and Hinata releases his sunshine laugh, lighting the blue corners inside of Kageyama’s chest.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!!!  
> This is my first work in the fandom so be kind!!  
> I hope you like my gay volleyball bois!


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